"Mind-Reader-Itis"...Yikes!

Every morning when I'm getting ready for work I listen to a local morning show. Many times their topics revolve around relationships and this morning was no different. They were talking about one of my favorite things:

The Chick Flick

Have you ever noticed the typical line up of programming on TV over the weekend? It's like a romantic comedy marathon. One weekend about three weeks ago, I found myself vegging out on my couch and I watched not one, not two, but FIVE chick flicks in a span of two days. They were:

• The Proposal


• Bride Wars


• How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days


• The Notebook


• Sweet Home Alabama

I loved it and hated it at the same time. Ok, I admit, I loved it way more than I hated it. Nevertheless, while I love a romantic comedy as much as the next girl, I know they are unrealistic. I mean, would this ever really happen??



That scene just makes me smile. (side note: can I have a Ryan Gosling please?)

Ok one more of my favorite scenes (see - I already got side tracked from what I was talking about because I love this movie so much):



Researchers from a university in Scotland actually did a study on this (source) and found out that chick flicks can create unrealistic expectations for love and relationships, especially when it comes to communication (surprise surprise).

The study indicated that women develop "mind-reader-itis" which means that expect their partner to know what they want or how they are feeling without having to tell them. That all of sudden, they will know exactly what to do. I'm not going to lie - I know I've had unrealistic expectations. I want my own Noah and unfortunately, the chances of that are slim. I have to understand and know myself first before I can be successful in a relationship. I can't expect a guy to know more about me than what I know about myself. And if I want to be in a committed, loving relationship, I have to be able to communicate what I want, why I do what I do, and why I feel the way I do. And, of course, hope that my man will do the same in return.

So I need to move forward knowing that I will be watching romantic comedies simply for the entertainment value. But I think one important lesson can be learned from chick flicks: never settle for less than everything you want! I may not get Noah but I will find love!

When God Gives You A Quarter...

Earlier this month I posted this on facebook:



I feel like this has been happening quite often for me lately. I find a quarter when I need it most. In a passing conversation, someone says something I've been needing to hear. Or they say something that answers a question that I haven't even asked out loud.

Like yesterday, I met with an amazing professor where I work. The purpose for our meeting was to talk about her programming in the halls. Somehow we started chatting about life and love. She said that falling in love happens when you least expect it. It is not something that can be forced. I know that is something that is said often but it speaks so clearly to what has been on my mind and it was such an unexpected conversation. I can only explain it by saying I must have been meant to hear that message yesterday.

She also said that we live in such a fast paced life and put so much pressure on ourselves to be always going going going. It is just as important to stop and breathe. And allowing for those silent moments will actually prepare you to be more present in your life and enjoy the fast paced moments instead of being overwhelmed by stress and pressure. This conversation happened the day after I spent some time talking with my mom about my habit of list making and how much anxiety it brings me to have to complete the list. So she was my cheerleader as I deleted all of my lists (yes, there were multiple). I already feel more free and the conversation with that professor just confirmed that I was moving in the right direction.

When you are going through a challenging time in life one thing that I know is bound to happen is your faith is tested. It's during these times that you really find out where your strength and foundation lie. I know it would be just as easy to explain it as coincidence. But being able to recognize these moments of confirmation allows me to stay strong and know that God is with me.

I'll Take The Hard Way...

Have you ever heard the expression
"I had to learn that the hard way"?

I've said it so many times until one day I stopped to think about what it means. Typically people use the expression about experiences that changed them or helped them grow or challenged them. Learning something the hard way implies there is an easy way to learn these important lessons. Now don't get me wrong, I do think we can gain knowledge through other people's lives or reading books and articles. But for something to sink in, you have to go through it yourself. I mean think about it. When someone was sharing with you a life lesson or giving advice, have they ever said "and I learned that the easy way!"? My guess would be no. I for sure haven't heard that. So my theory is that it's not the "hard way" but the "only way."

I know that expression isn't going away any time soon so bring on the "hard way." I want to continue learning and growing as much as I can. I welcome the situations that challenge me because while it may be uncomfortable in the moment, I'm a better, stronger person on the other side.

New Beginnings

Wow - I've posted less than 10 ten times in over a year and a half. Honestly, I wish I had posted more because so much has happened. I began my first professional position in my career. I fell in love in a way that I hadn't yet experienced and created some amazing memories. I graduated with my second masters degree. I lost that love but learned more about myself and what I want than I ever expected because of that relationship. And now I'm picking up the pieces and starting a new chapter of my life.

For the first time since kindergarten, the school year started and I'm not a student. Being a "student" has been a part of my identity for so long that I'm still adjusting to life as only a professional. Learning what to do with my free time, setting goals to continue learning and growing outside of a classroom, and enjoying the freedom of having no homework! Another part of my identity for as long as I can remember is being "in a relationship." I don't think it comes as a surprise that I enjoy having someone by my side, supporting me, encouraging me, and just living life with me. Now I'm neither and honestly I'm scared. But I'm also proud to be a strong, intelligent, independent woman that has the world at her fingertips.

Everything that has happened to me has brought me to this exact moment. I'm confident in who I am but I'm ready to put me first for a change. I won't settle for less than everything I dream for in life. So here's to new beginnings: the path may not always be easy but all my experiences will be worth it in the end!