Gentleman vs. Gingerbread man

I just finished reading a fantastic book called "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I will share my insights from time to time as I reflect on the ideas that stood out to me.

The first insight to share:
"A dash of tenderness in the way you treat a man means the difference between being married to a gentle-man or a gingerbread-man. One is heroic and tender; the other is stale and cut out of the same mold as the rest of them."

I really liked that comparison because there have been countless times that myself and my friends have heard the line: "I'm not like other guys." And then what happens? They turn out to be like every other guy. I definitely want a gentle-man.

The book goes on to give some advice to us ladies:
• Crawl into a guy’s world and observe what in that world is important.
• Find opportunities to discuss these “fascinating” topics with him.
• Don’t try and change them to be more like a girl. Appreciate the qualities that make him a man.

Seems easy enough...

It's all in the genes...

I've shared what I learned with a lot of my girlfriends and we all seemed to have reacted the same way so I'm curious about what you think.

I'm doing a paper for one of my classes about the sexual habits of undergraduate students. One of the articles I read described a survey that was done to determine what sexual values students agree with. There were three categories: absolutism (no sex until marriage), relativism (if in a relationship, sex is okay), and hedonism ("if it feels good, do it"). Most of the results were fairly expected. Men are more hedonistic; women are more relativistic. Students that have "hooked up" with someone or were in a "friends with benefits" type of situation were more hedonistic. You get the idea.

The findings that were most interesting to me were the conclusions that were drawn based on the differences between men and women. It said that the pleasure focused, hedonistic male, is seen as responding to his biological and genetic heritage. They are genetically wired to seek out numerous females to ensure that their own genes are reproduced and passed on. Then it goes on to say that women are genetically wired to be selective and prefer males who show an interest to stick around, provide economic resources, and help rear their offspring.

Now I know that got pretty technical, so I'm going to break it down. Basically this article said that it is natural for men to be with as many women as possible. And women get the short end of the stick because we tend to look for one man.

Does this really mean that there is no hope?? I mean, I guess I can see where the article is coming from a purely biological stand point. But, what about values or standards? what about self control? what about love? Aren't those things that must be considered too? I think so.

Love Love Love!

I can't help but smile for so many reasons when I listen to and watch this video. Of course, one of those reasons is because my huge crush :)

New Beginnings

I'm 24 and I've perpetually been in a relationship since I was 15...9 years! Today is October 10, 2009 and I am completely and totally single. Believe it or not, I'm okay. Anyone who knows me knows that I love being in a relationship, that's just who I am. But I've finally come to accept that I am in fact not in a relationship. This realization didn't come without tears, quite a few of them actually. But I woke up today feeling good.

You may be asking what is the difference between "single" and "completely and totally single." Well, during the last 9 years, at one point or another, I've been "single." But there was always someone there - either I had feelings for someone, and that someone was giving my glimpses of hope or someone had feelings for me so I was trying to figure out if I had feelings for them, the cycle goes on and on. So I find myself in uncharted territories. I'm in a place where all I have to worry about is me. I'll make my own decisions, plan my day according to what I want to do, make myself a priority and that is so refreshing.

Am I giving up on relationships? Nope. But there are two things I know for sure:

1) There is a lot of learning and growing that I have to do on my own. I have to learn how to be happy by myself.

2) I know that I will find the one eventually so I just have to be willing to go on the journey.

I think it will be fun to document my journey along the way. My hope is that all you ladies out there will be able to relate to the things I'm going through. I'll take you along for the ride through healing my heartbreak, learning to love myself and love again, and perhaps some dating adventures. This blog will be an ode to single ladies so please, share your stories and insights. Here's to new beginnings, I won't promise that I will always be this optimistic but I will always be hopeful :)