I posted the following post originally on December 9, 2007 (I have tweaked it some for this post). I think it does a pretty good job explaining some of my emotions right now. I knew I wouldn't have been able to fully express myself, but I'm glad I was able to find something that was close enough for now:
I'm trying to be positive about everything but it is really hard. This week coming up is finals and I think it has knocked the Earth off of its normal rotation and is making EVERYTHING (and everyone) go a little kooky.
I thought that everything in my life was finally aligning. Ha...
I realized today that despite recent occurrences, I am worth it. Do I have places to grow and improve? Of course, everyone does. Do I believe that we all should be respectful and patient with people that are actually doing things to change? Absolutely.
I have also come to realize that I am ready for an unbreakable, unstoppable, head-over-heels, fight-for-each-other, do-anything-for kind of relationship. This is my public declaration: I will not settle until I have that kind of relationship. I haven't had one yet, but I have no doubt that it will be amazing.
Until then, I choose to be in love with God. Why? Because he romances me every day of my life. No matter how much I run from him, he does not let me leave. He has unending patience and love for me. This has been a struggle for me to come to this place because I feel really let down in a lot of areas of my life. I was at a place that I wanted to give up on my faith, but I know I need to trust that God knows my future. As long as I keep seeking him, He will lead me in the right direction.
I thank Ingrid for this verse:
"I say this because I know what I am planning for you,” says the Lord. “I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!"
Jeremiah 29: 11 - 13
I was at the point of saying, why believe in something that every time my prayers are "answered" I'm hurt? When I should be saying: I may not understand why things are working out this way, but I trust you and know that you would never hurt me. He is just preparing me for something more fulfilling than I can even fathom.
Romanced by God? What does that even mean? (Are you asking yourself that? I did at first too, but it makes complete sense.) Sunrises, Sunsets, Snow falling on Christmas, Fireflies at dusk, Light breeze on a sunny day, rays shining through the clouds. God romances us with the beauty of nature.
Can you believe the brilliance of the colors of the leaves? It was even more beautiful in person. We live in such a fast-paced world. Take the time to thank God for his creation. In the moments of utter beauty, when everything in the world seems to stop just so you can enjoy the moment, you are given a glimpse of Eden. The way the world was supposed to be. He loves us enough to show us that even when we are so undeserving, like I was when I doubted him.
2 comments:
God has huge plans for you - he only gives you what he knows you can handle. All your dreams will come true, when you least expect them to.
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Whitney, you are young and bright and capable and oh so beautiful! You have the world at your fingertips and nothing to limit you. Rather, your faith makes that which you can achieve, accomplish, and enjoy quite *limitless*. I've said a prayer for you and will do so each time you cross my mind :)
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