An Ode to Dog Owners

I learned a very tough lesson...

Being a dog lover does not mean I am ready to be a dog owner.

Remember my post about learning things the hard way (or really, the only way)? Well, that was definitely the case this time.

I spent two weeks with the cutest, sweetest, and smartest puppy I have ever met. And even with all the joy she brought to my life, like greeting me with so much love when I walked in the door, I had to be honest with myself and realize that I'm not ready to have a puppy. This decision was not easy to come to at all. Even thinking about not having her caused me to cry. The type of crying where you can barely breathe. I do know that I tried everything to convince myself that we would be okay together. But at the end of the day, I didn't want to have to convince myself. For so many reasons, too many to even get into right now, I wasn't ready.

And to all of the dog owners reading this, I admire you.

You have to be caring because something is depending on you to survive.

You have to be selfless because inevitably you will have to
give some things up for your furry friend.

You have to be patient to train the puppy, even when you want to be
mad when you see a new wet spot on the carpet.

You have to be willing to get up in the
middle of the night when they have to potty.

You have to be responsible in making sure the dog gets enough
food, water, exercise, and quality time with you.

All in all, you have to be able to love with all of your heart.

I know one day, I will be able to be all of these things. But for now, I will cherish the memories I have of Lily and know that I tried to make a decision that was best for both of us.


...I miss you Lily girl...

"Mind-Reader-Itis"...Yikes!

Every morning when I'm getting ready for work I listen to a local morning show. Many times their topics revolve around relationships and this morning was no different. They were talking about one of my favorite things:

The Chick Flick

Have you ever noticed the typical line up of programming on TV over the weekend? It's like a romantic comedy marathon. One weekend about three weeks ago, I found myself vegging out on my couch and I watched not one, not two, but FIVE chick flicks in a span of two days. They were:

• The Proposal


• Bride Wars


• How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days


• The Notebook


• Sweet Home Alabama

I loved it and hated it at the same time. Ok, I admit, I loved it way more than I hated it. Nevertheless, while I love a romantic comedy as much as the next girl, I know they are unrealistic. I mean, would this ever really happen??



That scene just makes me smile. (side note: can I have a Ryan Gosling please?)

Ok one more of my favorite scenes (see - I already got side tracked from what I was talking about because I love this movie so much):



Researchers from a university in Scotland actually did a study on this (source) and found out that chick flicks can create unrealistic expectations for love and relationships, especially when it comes to communication (surprise surprise).

The study indicated that women develop "mind-reader-itis" which means that expect their partner to know what they want or how they are feeling without having to tell them. That all of sudden, they will know exactly what to do. I'm not going to lie - I know I've had unrealistic expectations. I want my own Noah and unfortunately, the chances of that are slim. I have to understand and know myself first before I can be successful in a relationship. I can't expect a guy to know more about me than what I know about myself. And if I want to be in a committed, loving relationship, I have to be able to communicate what I want, why I do what I do, and why I feel the way I do. And, of course, hope that my man will do the same in return.

So I need to move forward knowing that I will be watching romantic comedies simply for the entertainment value. But I think one important lesson can be learned from chick flicks: never settle for less than everything you want! I may not get Noah but I will find love!

When God Gives You A Quarter...

Earlier this month I posted this on facebook:



I feel like this has been happening quite often for me lately. I find a quarter when I need it most. In a passing conversation, someone says something I've been needing to hear. Or they say something that answers a question that I haven't even asked out loud.

Like yesterday, I met with an amazing professor where I work. The purpose for our meeting was to talk about her programming in the halls. Somehow we started chatting about life and love. She said that falling in love happens when you least expect it. It is not something that can be forced. I know that is something that is said often but it speaks so clearly to what has been on my mind and it was such an unexpected conversation. I can only explain it by saying I must have been meant to hear that message yesterday.

She also said that we live in such a fast paced life and put so much pressure on ourselves to be always going going going. It is just as important to stop and breathe. And allowing for those silent moments will actually prepare you to be more present in your life and enjoy the fast paced moments instead of being overwhelmed by stress and pressure. This conversation happened the day after I spent some time talking with my mom about my habit of list making and how much anxiety it brings me to have to complete the list. So she was my cheerleader as I deleted all of my lists (yes, there were multiple). I already feel more free and the conversation with that professor just confirmed that I was moving in the right direction.

When you are going through a challenging time in life one thing that I know is bound to happen is your faith is tested. It's during these times that you really find out where your strength and foundation lie. I know it would be just as easy to explain it as coincidence. But being able to recognize these moments of confirmation allows me to stay strong and know that God is with me.

New Beginnings

Wow - I've posted less than 10 ten times in over a year and a half. Honestly, I wish I had posted more because so much has happened. I began my first professional position in my career. I fell in love in a way that I hadn't yet experienced and created some amazing memories. I graduated with my second masters degree. I lost that love but learned more about myself and what I want than I ever expected because of that relationship. And now I'm picking up the pieces and starting a new chapter of my life.

For the first time since kindergarten, the school year started and I'm not a student. Being a "student" has been a part of my identity for so long that I'm still adjusting to life as only a professional. Learning what to do with my free time, setting goals to continue learning and growing outside of a classroom, and enjoying the freedom of having no homework! Another part of my identity for as long as I can remember is being "in a relationship." I don't think it comes as a surprise that I enjoy having someone by my side, supporting me, encouraging me, and just living life with me. Now I'm neither and honestly I'm scared. But I'm also proud to be a strong, intelligent, independent woman that has the world at her fingertips.

Everything that has happened to me has brought me to this exact moment. I'm confident in who I am but I'm ready to put me first for a change. I won't settle for less than everything I dream for in life. So here's to new beginnings: the path may not always be easy but all my experiences will be worth it in the end!

Midday

So I have to admit that there are several blogs that I read on a regular basis. I have them all bookmarked so I can make sure I check in every once in a while. So if you need any good reading material, let me know! :)

There is one that I just discovered that is so fun. It is called Five Blondes. The blog is written by five sisters and they share about what is going on in their lives.

One of the sisters posted this cute poem:

The Masks of Love.

I come in from a walk
With you
And they ask me
If it is raining.

I didn’t notice
But I’ll have to give them
The right answer
Or they’ll think I’m crazy.

-Alden Nowland

Just a little midday inspiration to get me through this work day!

Dreading...

I did something tonight that I've been dreading for quite some time. I finally took the leap and removed any physical memories of my past relationship. It sounds easy but my heart broke a little more each time I took a picture down. I didn't stop there though - I tried to put away anything that reminded me of him. I found that to be a little impossible without taking everything down. It seems that after two years, everything reminds me of him.

I have to look at the positives though. I realize this is a necessary step in this whole process called healing. And it became clear to me that I can't just expect I will move on without doing anything. I know the saying is that time will heal everything so I have to keep moving forward. Another good thing is that I won't see us everywhere I turn. Maybe I will eventually stop thinking "Where did it go wrong? Look how happy we were."

But the unfortunate thing is that even though the pictures aren't around anymore, my memories will be around for a long time. It's just hard to face the fact that certain people are leaving my life, that certain traditions will no longer happen, and new memories will start to take their place. I look forward to the time that my memories make me happy rather than sad and confused. Well, let me rephrase...I look forward to the time that my memories do not include the emotions: sad, confused, and lonely because many times I can look back and smile.

So I suppose it's obvious I have a long way to go in moving on, but I'm slowly but surely making my way. I'm sure I'll have more milestones to share with you soon...

Gentleman vs. Gingerbread man

I just finished reading a fantastic book called "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I will share my insights from time to time as I reflect on the ideas that stood out to me.

The first insight to share:
"A dash of tenderness in the way you treat a man means the difference between being married to a gentle-man or a gingerbread-man. One is heroic and tender; the other is stale and cut out of the same mold as the rest of them."

I really liked that comparison because there have been countless times that myself and my friends have heard the line: "I'm not like other guys." And then what happens? They turn out to be like every other guy. I definitely want a gentle-man.

The book goes on to give some advice to us ladies:
• Crawl into a guy’s world and observe what in that world is important.
• Find opportunities to discuss these “fascinating” topics with him.
• Don’t try and change them to be more like a girl. Appreciate the qualities that make him a man.

Seems easy enough...

It's all in the genes...

I've shared what I learned with a lot of my girlfriends and we all seemed to have reacted the same way so I'm curious about what you think.

I'm doing a paper for one of my classes about the sexual habits of undergraduate students. One of the articles I read described a survey that was done to determine what sexual values students agree with. There were three categories: absolutism (no sex until marriage), relativism (if in a relationship, sex is okay), and hedonism ("if it feels good, do it"). Most of the results were fairly expected. Men are more hedonistic; women are more relativistic. Students that have "hooked up" with someone or were in a "friends with benefits" type of situation were more hedonistic. You get the idea.

The findings that were most interesting to me were the conclusions that were drawn based on the differences between men and women. It said that the pleasure focused, hedonistic male, is seen as responding to his biological and genetic heritage. They are genetically wired to seek out numerous females to ensure that their own genes are reproduced and passed on. Then it goes on to say that women are genetically wired to be selective and prefer males who show an interest to stick around, provide economic resources, and help rear their offspring.

Now I know that got pretty technical, so I'm going to break it down. Basically this article said that it is natural for men to be with as many women as possible. And women get the short end of the stick because we tend to look for one man.

Does this really mean that there is no hope?? I mean, I guess I can see where the article is coming from a purely biological stand point. But, what about values or standards? what about self control? what about love? Aren't those things that must be considered too? I think so.

New Beginnings

I'm 24 and I've perpetually been in a relationship since I was 15...9 years! Today is October 10, 2009 and I am completely and totally single. Believe it or not, I'm okay. Anyone who knows me knows that I love being in a relationship, that's just who I am. But I've finally come to accept that I am in fact not in a relationship. This realization didn't come without tears, quite a few of them actually. But I woke up today feeling good.

You may be asking what is the difference between "single" and "completely and totally single." Well, during the last 9 years, at one point or another, I've been "single." But there was always someone there - either I had feelings for someone, and that someone was giving my glimpses of hope or someone had feelings for me so I was trying to figure out if I had feelings for them, the cycle goes on and on. So I find myself in uncharted territories. I'm in a place where all I have to worry about is me. I'll make my own decisions, plan my day according to what I want to do, make myself a priority and that is so refreshing.

Am I giving up on relationships? Nope. But there are two things I know for sure:

1) There is a lot of learning and growing that I have to do on my own. I have to learn how to be happy by myself.

2) I know that I will find the one eventually so I just have to be willing to go on the journey.

I think it will be fun to document my journey along the way. My hope is that all you ladies out there will be able to relate to the things I'm going through. I'll take you along for the ride through healing my heartbreak, learning to love myself and love again, and perhaps some dating adventures. This blog will be an ode to single ladies so please, share your stories and insights. Here's to new beginnings, I won't promise that I will always be this optimistic but I will always be hopeful :)

Giving Away The Pen

I have decided to give God the pen to my love story. He has given us His greatest love so why shouldn't I trust him to give me my perfect romance as long as I am faithful? My "forever" love story is being written by God even as we speak. I just have to surrender the pen that I for so long have tried to control.

I posted the following post originally on December 9, 2007 (I have tweaked it some for this post). I think it does a pretty good job explaining some of my emotions right now. I knew I wouldn't have been able to fully express myself, but I'm glad I was able to find something that was close enough for now:

I'm trying to be positive about everything but it is really hard. This week coming up is finals and I think it has knocked the Earth off of its normal rotation and is making EVERYTHING (and everyone) go a little kooky.

I thought that everything in my life was finally aligning. Ha...

I realized today that despite recent occurrences, I am worth it. Do I have places to grow and improve? Of course, everyone does. Do I believe that we all should be respectful and patient with people that are actually doing things to change? Absolutely.

I have also come to realize that I am ready for an unbreakable, unstoppable, head-over-heels, fight-for-each-other, do-anything-for kind of relationship. This is my public declaration: I will not settle until I have that kind of relationship. I haven't had one yet, but I have no doubt that it will be amazing.

Until then, I choose to be in love with God. Why? Because he romances me every day of my life. No matter how much I run from him, he does not let me leave. He has unending patience and love for me. This has been a struggle for me to come to this place because I feel really let down in a lot of areas of my life. I was at a place that I wanted to give up on my faith, but I know I need to trust that God knows my future. As long as I keep seeking him, He will lead me in the right direction.

I thank Ingrid for this verse:

"I say this because I know what I am planning for you,” says the Lord. “I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!"
Jeremiah 29: 11 - 13

I was at the point of saying, why believe in something that every time my prayers are "answered" I'm hurt? When I should be saying: I may not understand why things are working out this way, but I trust you and know that you would never hurt me. He is just preparing me for something more fulfilling than I can even fathom.

Romanced by God? What does that even mean? (Are you asking yourself that? I did at first too, but it makes complete sense.) Sunrises, Sunsets, Snow falling on Christmas, Fireflies at dusk, Light breeze on a sunny day, rays shining through the clouds. God romances us with the beauty of nature.




Can you believe the brilliance of the colors of the leaves? It was even more beautiful in person. We live in such a fast-paced world. Take the time to thank God for his creation. In the moments of utter beauty, when everything in the world seems to stop just so you can enjoy the moment, you are given a glimpse of Eden. The way the world was supposed to be. He loves us enough to show us that even when we are so undeserving, like I was when I doubted him.

Home Sweet (New) Home

My summer vacation ends tomorrow (cue violins).... But thankfully I was able to get one last vacation in before my hectic schedule begins. This past weekend I visited my parents in Nashville.

Well I flew into Nashville, but they live in Gallatin which is about 20 or 30 minutes outside of the city. Because my flight was late taking off, it wasn't until about 11 that we reached the house. This was my first time to my parents' new house so I was really excited. I had already seen some pictures but I hadn't seen it yet with their furniture and all the special touches that make it a home. So when my Dad and I got to the house, he gave me the grand tour. The house is so cozy - I really loved it! The neighborhood is a golf community and our house is right on the golf course so the scenery is also very nice. So that night (Thursday), we just chatted a bit, I loved on Sammy and then it was bedtime.

Friday morning I woke up and my Mom and I walked throughout the neighborhood. It was great exercise because it's rather hilly. But it was great catching up with her and just looking at all the beautiful houses. And of course, a trip to see my parents isn't complete unless my mom and I go shopping. This is what happens when you go in to Michaels just for fun:

Then we ventured to the mall and I used up my Macy's gift card. Speaking of shopping and bargain hunting, I bought a dress from Macy's for $20 that was originally $80. And my Mom and I both got scarves from American Eagle for $3 that were originally $20! I was proud of our purchases if I do say so myself.

That night when my Dad got home from work, we had a yummy dinner and then took Sam on a walk on the golf course. The sunset was amazing and it was fun taking some practice swings. Don't judge my form haha.



This may be a slight tangent but if there was ever such a thing as having a favorite bug, mine would be a firefly. I've never seen one in Orlando and the first time I saw one was in Tallahassee probably about 3 years ago and I was so awestruck by them. They appear during one of my favorite times of the day and I think they are magical. There were so many in the brush between our house and the golf course. It was such a treat for me to just watch them.

Saturday, my Mom and I went on another shopping adventure to a thrift store that a columnist called "Ms. Cheap" wrote about in the Nashville newspaper. They actually had beautiful wedding dresses for only $50. I don't believe I'll be getting married any time soon and I don't know how I feel about getting my wedding dress at a thrift shop, but I was intrigued enough to try one on! It was one of those "beautiful on the hanger, but not on me" types of situations. So I walked away with nothing. But nonetheless, it was fun! :) Then we went and saw The Ugly Truth. A little unnecessarily vulgar, but it was cute and we enjoyed it.

That night we met my Dad at his work and went downtown. What a great place to people watch! Ten times better than the airport haha. I was hoping for a celebrity spotting (according to my mom, Carrie Underwood was seen there the weekend before). But no such luck. Either way, we had a great dinner and a great time walking around and being in the hustle and bustle of downtown night life.


Poor baby...He looked so sad just laying there...



Sunday, I was able to sleep in which was nice. After a yummy breakfast made by my Dad, we all (yes, including Sam) made our way to the Harpeth River State Park. The directions I got weren't all that great but we finally reached our destination. It is spread out over several different places so we were able to get out walk around a bit and then drive a little more to see some other sights. We saw signs for canoeing, hiking, horseback riding, and zip lines so I know this will be a place that I will definitely go back to. It was so much fun spending quality time with my parents, watching Sam swim in the river, and seeing such a beautiful area.





Unfortunately, my visit was coming to an end. We went home and I got ready for my flight. The weekend seemed to go by so quickly but I'm grateful for being able to make the trip and I can't wait to go back!

What's Your Love Language?

I had an epiphany today! At our in-service we learned about the five love languages. And as I sat there listening to the different groups present their love language, my past was flashing before my eyes haha. When we have a significant other, we need to be conscious of how they like to be loved and how they show love, among other things. I believe if we could figure this out while we are in a relationship so many problems would be eliminated. To truly understand this, here are the five love languages:

#1 Words of Affirmation: You need to hear praise to know you are loved and you may also prefer to express your affection verbally. Negative comments cut right to the bone. You want to hear that you're loved and how much and why. This could be done in the form of compliments, kind words of recognition, thank you notes, "just because" notes, cards, etc.

#2 Gifts: You are moved by presents and physical tokens of affection. It's the fact that someone is thinking about you enough to give you something that moves you. You also like to give personalized gifts to show your love for someone. The monetary value is not important, only the sentiment with which they were intended.

#3 Touch: You want to give and/or receive affection physically. This would be someone who loves to hug, hold hands, high five, etc.

#4 Acts of Service: You prefer to show your love through favors and chores and doing things for others. You feel put-upon and unappreciated when your efforts are taken for granted.

#5 Quality Time: This can be expressed either through those intimate tete-a-tete discussions or just by doing things together. You enjoy spending time with the people you love and it is very important for you to feel included.

So now that you know maybe you can fit yourself into one of these categories. Obviously these descriptions are just skimming the surface, but you get the jist of what they mean. If you are a "words of affirmation" person in a relationship with an "acts of service" person and you don't know it, issues could arise. The "acts of service" person may be doing wonderful things for you but you aren't appreciating them because you aren't recognizing that that is how they show love. And since you aren't thanking them for all of the help they are giving, they feel like what they did was pointless. And on the same token, the "acts of service" person isn't realizing that the "words of affirmation" person is just looking for a simple compliment or for their significant other to tell them how much they love them. So I leave you with this challenge: continue learning about the people in your life - your family, your friends, your boyfriend or girlfriend, and most importantly yourself. Find out what your love language is and what their love languages are. Then use that new knowledge to your advantage and start showing love the way that particular person best feels it. Your relationships will grow stronger because of it. Apply this knowledge to past relationships: I guarantee it will answer some questions and you will be better off in future relationships. When I think about the people in my life, it is rather easy to fit them into their love language. I have a new found appreciation to those who may have a different love language than me. Not only will I be able to show love, I will be able to acknowledge and be grateful when I am being shown love in a way outside of my language.

Go now and take the quiz! Let me know your result so I can show you some love ;)