Epiphanies

Passing comments can really change your perspective on life. For the past couple of weeks, I've had some real epiphanies thanks to my friends. For so long the word "single" has had such a bad connotation to me. But why? Because I've always found myself in relationships, the word single was synonymous with "unwanted." The thought of being alone scared me. I've realized that I ground myself in my relationship. That was my source of security and stability. I was comfortable and knew what to expect. But looking back, it makes me wonder - was I losing myself in that process?

As insignificant as it may seem, I changed my facebook relationship status to single. I know some of you are thinking, "come on! it's just facebook!" And trust me, I know exactly where you are coming from. But I think another group of you understand the significance of declaring to everyone you know that you are now labeling yourself as "single." But it was the past couple weeks that I have accepted the greatness that comes along with being single, especially at this point in my life.

I found myself in a conversation about boys a few days ago (surprise surprise). We were talking about this very subject of being single. I declared, "Being single is exhausting!" In a relationship, I didn't have to worry about being engaging or interesting or flirty. By that I mean, attracting the opposite sex is not a priority. And I suppose I don't have to now but there is some pressure to show the best sides of you (inside and out) at all times. But I have to reframe my thinking from "single means searching for a relationship" to "single means searching for myself." My friend, Alexis, said something that was so poignant and I don't even think she realized it. She said something to the effect of, "I'm single and I'm okay with that because no one can make me as happy right now as I can." That comment hit me like a ton of bricks. It is so true - how can I expect someone else to make me happy, if I'm not the happiness I can be when I'm by myself?

I'm at a significant crossroads in life. I'm finally starting my professional career, I'm working towards financial independence, and I feel like a woman as silly as that sounds. It is equally as important for me right now to be looking inwards and be strong in who I am.

Being single isn't a bad thing - it is a powerful thing! Ingrid shared a fantastic quote with me from the ultimate single girl's source, Sex and the City: "Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty, sexy, and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with." I will think of this quote any time I'm feeling a bit insecure and I'm sure it will perk me right up!

Dreading...

I did something tonight that I've been dreading for quite some time. I finally took the leap and removed any physical memories of my past relationship. It sounds easy but my heart broke a little more each time I took a picture down. I didn't stop there though - I tried to put away anything that reminded me of him. I found that to be a little impossible without taking everything down. It seems that after two years, everything reminds me of him.

I have to look at the positives though. I realize this is a necessary step in this whole process called healing. And it became clear to me that I can't just expect I will move on without doing anything. I know the saying is that time will heal everything so I have to keep moving forward. Another good thing is that I won't see us everywhere I turn. Maybe I will eventually stop thinking "Where did it go wrong? Look how happy we were."

But the unfortunate thing is that even though the pictures aren't around anymore, my memories will be around for a long time. It's just hard to face the fact that certain people are leaving my life, that certain traditions will no longer happen, and new memories will start to take their place. I look forward to the time that my memories make me happy rather than sad and confused. Well, let me rephrase...I look forward to the time that my memories do not include the emotions: sad, confused, and lonely because many times I can look back and smile.

So I suppose it's obvious I have a long way to go in moving on, but I'm slowly but surely making my way. I'm sure I'll have more milestones to share with you soon...

Gentleman vs. Gingerbread man

I just finished reading a fantastic book called "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I will share my insights from time to time as I reflect on the ideas that stood out to me.

The first insight to share:
"A dash of tenderness in the way you treat a man means the difference between being married to a gentle-man or a gingerbread-man. One is heroic and tender; the other is stale and cut out of the same mold as the rest of them."

I really liked that comparison because there have been countless times that myself and my friends have heard the line: "I'm not like other guys." And then what happens? They turn out to be like every other guy. I definitely want a gentle-man.

The book goes on to give some advice to us ladies:
• Crawl into a guy’s world and observe what in that world is important.
• Find opportunities to discuss these “fascinating” topics with him.
• Don’t try and change them to be more like a girl. Appreciate the qualities that make him a man.

Seems easy enough...

It's all in the genes...

I've shared what I learned with a lot of my girlfriends and we all seemed to have reacted the same way so I'm curious about what you think.

I'm doing a paper for one of my classes about the sexual habits of undergraduate students. One of the articles I read described a survey that was done to determine what sexual values students agree with. There were three categories: absolutism (no sex until marriage), relativism (if in a relationship, sex is okay), and hedonism ("if it feels good, do it"). Most of the results were fairly expected. Men are more hedonistic; women are more relativistic. Students that have "hooked up" with someone or were in a "friends with benefits" type of situation were more hedonistic. You get the idea.

The findings that were most interesting to me were the conclusions that were drawn based on the differences between men and women. It said that the pleasure focused, hedonistic male, is seen as responding to his biological and genetic heritage. They are genetically wired to seek out numerous females to ensure that their own genes are reproduced and passed on. Then it goes on to say that women are genetically wired to be selective and prefer males who show an interest to stick around, provide economic resources, and help rear their offspring.

Now I know that got pretty technical, so I'm going to break it down. Basically this article said that it is natural for men to be with as many women as possible. And women get the short end of the stick because we tend to look for one man.

Does this really mean that there is no hope?? I mean, I guess I can see where the article is coming from a purely biological stand point. But, what about values or standards? what about self control? what about love? Aren't those things that must be considered too? I think so.

New Beginnings

I'm 24 and I've perpetually been in a relationship since I was 15...9 years! Today is October 10, 2009 and I am completely and totally single. Believe it or not, I'm okay. Anyone who knows me knows that I love being in a relationship, that's just who I am. But I've finally come to accept that I am in fact not in a relationship. This realization didn't come without tears, quite a few of them actually. But I woke up today feeling good.

You may be asking what is the difference between "single" and "completely and totally single." Well, during the last 9 years, at one point or another, I've been "single." But there was always someone there - either I had feelings for someone, and that someone was giving my glimpses of hope or someone had feelings for me so I was trying to figure out if I had feelings for them, the cycle goes on and on. So I find myself in uncharted territories. I'm in a place where all I have to worry about is me. I'll make my own decisions, plan my day according to what I want to do, make myself a priority and that is so refreshing.

Am I giving up on relationships? Nope. But there are two things I know for sure:

1) There is a lot of learning and growing that I have to do on my own. I have to learn how to be happy by myself.

2) I know that I will find the one eventually so I just have to be willing to go on the journey.

I think it will be fun to document my journey along the way. My hope is that all you ladies out there will be able to relate to the things I'm going through. I'll take you along for the ride through healing my heartbreak, learning to love myself and love again, and perhaps some dating adventures. This blog will be an ode to single ladies so please, share your stories and insights. Here's to new beginnings, I won't promise that I will always be this optimistic but I will always be hopeful :)

Giving Away The Pen

I have decided to give God the pen to my love story. He has given us His greatest love so why shouldn't I trust him to give me my perfect romance as long as I am faithful? My "forever" love story is being written by God even as we speak. I just have to surrender the pen that I for so long have tried to control.

I posted the following post originally on December 9, 2007 (I have tweaked it some for this post). I think it does a pretty good job explaining some of my emotions right now. I knew I wouldn't have been able to fully express myself, but I'm glad I was able to find something that was close enough for now:

I'm trying to be positive about everything but it is really hard. This week coming up is finals and I think it has knocked the Earth off of its normal rotation and is making EVERYTHING (and everyone) go a little kooky.

I thought that everything in my life was finally aligning. Ha...

I realized today that despite recent occurrences, I am worth it. Do I have places to grow and improve? Of course, everyone does. Do I believe that we all should be respectful and patient with people that are actually doing things to change? Absolutely.

I have also come to realize that I am ready for an unbreakable, unstoppable, head-over-heels, fight-for-each-other, do-anything-for kind of relationship. This is my public declaration: I will not settle until I have that kind of relationship. I haven't had one yet, but I have no doubt that it will be amazing.

Until then, I choose to be in love with God. Why? Because he romances me every day of my life. No matter how much I run from him, he does not let me leave. He has unending patience and love for me. This has been a struggle for me to come to this place because I feel really let down in a lot of areas of my life. I was at a place that I wanted to give up on my faith, but I know I need to trust that God knows my future. As long as I keep seeking him, He will lead me in the right direction.

I thank Ingrid for this verse:

"I say this because I know what I am planning for you,” says the Lord. “I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!"
Jeremiah 29: 11 - 13

I was at the point of saying, why believe in something that every time my prayers are "answered" I'm hurt? When I should be saying: I may not understand why things are working out this way, but I trust you and know that you would never hurt me. He is just preparing me for something more fulfilling than I can even fathom.

Romanced by God? What does that even mean? (Are you asking yourself that? I did at first too, but it makes complete sense.) Sunrises, Sunsets, Snow falling on Christmas, Fireflies at dusk, Light breeze on a sunny day, rays shining through the clouds. God romances us with the beauty of nature.




Can you believe the brilliance of the colors of the leaves? It was even more beautiful in person. We live in such a fast-paced world. Take the time to thank God for his creation. In the moments of utter beauty, when everything in the world seems to stop just so you can enjoy the moment, you are given a glimpse of Eden. The way the world was supposed to be. He loves us enough to show us that even when we are so undeserving, like I was when I doubted him.

Why Be In A Relationship?

Quite a bit has changed within the time that I last posted "My Weekend Recap". I'm trying to be positive about everything but it is really hard. This week coming up is finals and I think it has knocked the Earth off of its normal rotation and is making EVERYTHING (and everyone) go a little kooky.

I thought that everything in my life was finally aligning. Ha...

I realized today that despite recent occurrences, I am worth it. Do I have places to grow and improve? Of course, everyone does. Do I believe that we all should be respectful and patient with people that are actually doing things to change? Absolutely.

I have also come to realize that I am ready for an unbreakable, unstoppable, head-over-heels, fight-for-each-other, do-anything-for kind of relationship. That may freak out quite a few guys that read this, mainly the ones that have a phobia against commitments. This is my public declaration: I will not settle until I have that kind of relationship. I haven't had one yet, but I have no doubt that it will be amazing.

Until then, I choose to be in love with God. Why? Because he romances me every day of my life. No matter how much I run from him, he does not let me leave. He has unending patience and love for me. This has been a struggle for me to come to this place because I feel really let down in a lot of areas of my life. I was at a place that I wanted to give up on my faith, but I know I need to trust that God knows my future. As long as I keep seeking him, He will lead me in the right direction.

I thank Ingrid for this verse:

"I say this because I know what I am planning for you,” says the Lord. “I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!"

Jeremiah 29: 11 - 13

I was at the point of saying, why believe in something that every time my prayers are "answered" I'm hurt? When I should be saying: I may not understand why things are working out this way, but I trust you and know that you would never hurt me. He is just preparing me for something more fulfilling than I can even fathom.

Romanced by God? What does that even mean? (Are you asking yourself that? I did at first too, but it makes complete sense.) Sunrises, Sunsets, Snow falling on Christmas (I haven't experienced this, but I'm sure it's beautiful), Fireflies at dusk, Light breeze on a sunny day, rays shining through the clouds. God romances us with the beauty of nature.





Can you believe the brilliance of the colors of the leaves? It was even more beautiful in person. We live in such a fast-paced world. Take the time to thank God for his creation. In the moments of utter beauty, when everything in the world seems to stop just so you can enjoy the moment, you are given a glimpse of Eden. The way the world was supposed to be. He loves us enough to show us that even when we are so undeserving, like I was when I doubted him.

Thanks for listening :) Time to start studying for finals...I'll write again soon!

Quick Morning Thoughts

I thought my time at Rollins would be my chance to grow in a stronger relationship preparing for our lives together while getting my degree. It was an adventure that I was excited about more than anything. I knew it would be hard and it would require a lot of communication and honesty but most importantly love. That dynamic has already shifted. Although I am fully aware now what it means to truly appreciate and love someone with all of my heart, that feeling can't be enjoyed on a one-way street. God has something bigger planned for me. He has revealed to me in the past few days more than I could have ever expected. And I know that my next relationship, no matter when or who it may be with, it will be beyond amazing. I feel in my heart that God is telling me that He knows that this is hard for me but he would never put something in my path that I can't work through and become stronger because of it. He is amazing in the fact that He knows what is truly right for every person and if we aren't strong enough or ready to do what is He knows is right, He will take that on. This is an exciting road that I am on because I am putting all of my trust in Him knowing that no matter what I want, His will for my life will be done.

These were just some thoughts I had this morning so I decided to share them. And like I've said in the past few posts, in time pictures of my apartment will come haha. I'm hoping to finish the decorations before classes start (which is the 27th).

Have a good weekend everyone!!