Epiphanies

Passing comments can really change your perspective on life. For the past couple of weeks, I've had some real epiphanies thanks to my friends. For so long the word "single" has had such a bad connotation to me. But why? Because I've always found myself in relationships, the word single was synonymous with "unwanted." The thought of being alone scared me. I've realized that I ground myself in my relationship. That was my source of security and stability. I was comfortable and knew what to expect. But looking back, it makes me wonder - was I losing myself in that process?

As insignificant as it may seem, I changed my facebook relationship status to single. I know some of you are thinking, "come on! it's just facebook!" And trust me, I know exactly where you are coming from. But I think another group of you understand the significance of declaring to everyone you know that you are now labeling yourself as "single." But it was the past couple weeks that I have accepted the greatness that comes along with being single, especially at this point in my life.

I found myself in a conversation about boys a few days ago (surprise surprise). We were talking about this very subject of being single. I declared, "Being single is exhausting!" In a relationship, I didn't have to worry about being engaging or interesting or flirty. By that I mean, attracting the opposite sex is not a priority. And I suppose I don't have to now but there is some pressure to show the best sides of you (inside and out) at all times. But I have to reframe my thinking from "single means searching for a relationship" to "single means searching for myself." My friend, Alexis, said something that was so poignant and I don't even think she realized it. She said something to the effect of, "I'm single and I'm okay with that because no one can make me as happy right now as I can." That comment hit me like a ton of bricks. It is so true - how can I expect someone else to make me happy, if I'm not the happiness I can be when I'm by myself?

I'm at a significant crossroads in life. I'm finally starting my professional career, I'm working towards financial independence, and I feel like a woman as silly as that sounds. It is equally as important for me right now to be looking inwards and be strong in who I am.

Being single isn't a bad thing - it is a powerful thing! Ingrid shared a fantastic quote with me from the ultimate single girl's source, Sex and the City: "Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty, sexy, and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with." I will think of this quote any time I'm feeling a bit insecure and I'm sure it will perk me right up!

Lackadaisical

Main Entry: lack·a·dai·si·cal
Pronunciation: \ˌla-kə-ˈdā-zi-kəl\
Function: adjective
: lacking life, spirit, or zest :

I feel like that word describes me fairly well at this moment. Lately, my life has had glimmers of hope, snapshots of happy but I can't say that is a constant. I wish I could. But sometimes I need to remind myself of all the wonderful things in my life so keep me going. So here is list:

• Meeting the other bridesmaids in Kim's wedding and really getting along with them


• Building my friendships with the other hall directors


• Being there to witness my best friend from high school getting married


• My regular run around Lake Baldwin on Friday afternoons


• Getting the courage to reconnect with old friends


• Hearing God's whisper telling me that my purpose right now is to dream my own dreams, that He is in control, and He will provide for what I'm longing for when the time is right


• Spending time with my Grandma and Aunt


• Knowing my family supports me and is always there for me

My hope is that this list will continue to grow and that even when I'm down I will be able to recognize my blessings.

One Year Ago

One year ago my life changed drastically. Within a matter of months, I moved from Tallahassee back to Windermere then to Burlington, NC then back to Winter Park. In the midst of this, I was starting a new chapter in my life that included working for Rollins and pursuing my masters degree.

Relationships were ending. Well not all of them. Some were just changing. Like those with all of my girlfriends in Tallahassee. We went from seeing and talking to each other every day to communicating mostly over facebook. I may sound like I'm complaining and in a way, I am. I miss being around them and I miss all the fun times we had together. Sometimes I wish I could go back just to have that again. But, all of us have grown so much since then! I'm proud of all my friends and so excited to see where our lives take us.

I've listened to a significantly smaller amount of country music this year compared to years past when I wouldn't listen to anything else. I know that sounds funny and thats not saying that I enjoy it any less, I've just developed a subconscious fear about it. A fear that if I turn the country station on a song charged with memories and emotions will be playing. The memories, I can deal with. However, the emotions associated with the memories are what I'm afraid to face. But its getting better. I'm coming to terms with the fact that some things, like all of my questions and analyzations of the situation, are better left in the past.

In the past year, I've learned what it means to live on my own. I've seen snow falling for the first time. Which means I made my first snowman, had my first snowball fight, and went sledding for the first time. I've become more self aware. I've traveled the world (well, a small portion of it). I've worked in a company that teaches its culture and that culture is actually apparent when I went into work each day. Every employee (or STAR as Gaylord likes to call us) is passionate about what they do. That is very rare so its hard to describe and explain. And now I'm getting ready to start my second year of working for Rollins and pursuing my masters degree. I can't believe I'm already half way through! I have a clearer picture of what I want my future to look like - what my career will be, the type of person I want to be and the type of person I want to be with. Having this picture in clearer focus makes life a little more comfortable.

Through all of this, a few things have remained constant. My relationship with God. Every day, I try to find ways to grow closer to God and have Him be the center of my life. By no means am I perfect, I never will be. But I do know that I will try my hardest to use God's word as my guide. My family. I've realized now more than ever, how lucky I am. My parents and my brother will be there for me no matter what and will always have my best interest in their hearts. I am so grateful for that. Stefano. I met Stefano one year ago today. What started out as a genuine friendship evolved into an amazing relationship. He keeps me grounded and he is my best friend. He's not afraid to be open and honest with me, even if its not exactly what I want to hear. And most of all, he loves me just the way I am. I don't think I could ask for anything more.

The most important thing I've learned this year is that I am truly blessed. Even with all the things I think I want or need, it will never compare to what I already have. I'm enjoying my journey and I know this year will bring just as many changes as the last year. I hope you continue checking up on me!

My Weekend Recap :)

Friday night I went on a date with Lindsay :) We ate at Macaroni Grill and then saw Dan in Real Life. Everyone should see that movie! It was so cute :) Maybe a bit of a girly movie but I think most guys would enjoy it (even if they don't want to admit it lol). Good company, good movie, good night...:)

Halloween Howl was this weekend at Rollins. It is an event that all of Greater Orlando is invited to for kids to come and play games, win prizes and candy, and jump in bounce houses. And for the older kids there are haunted houses in the fraternity houses and other buildings on campus. It just proved to me how much of a scaredy cat I am. We had to do walk-throughs of the haunted houses to make sure everything was okay - which means none of the characters jump out to scare you - and I still had to hold Ingrid's hand for her to pull me through haha.

Although the end of the event got rained out, there were some of the cutest kids there which was the best part of volunteering - getting to see all of the adorable costumes :) Here are two of my favorites!


The cutest pumpkin in the patch :)


Abby, my bosses daughter :)

It was so nice to have a girls day today even though it was short because I had school work :( If any of the HDs are reading this, we have to do it again :)

Tonight, we had our hall-wide Halloween initiative - "Pumpkin Party." We bought all sorts of pumpkin-flavored goodies and watched Saw 3. Lots of our residents came for the food but only a few stayed to watch the movie. Let me just say this - I am going to have nightmares for a very long time. And to top it off, my RAs want our next staff development to be going to see Saw 4...what?! I don't know about all that...

Just thought I would write an update of my weekend since it was overall pretty good. Oh side note: I've also learned this weekend that a woman's intuition is always right. I don't want to say too much - but I know now to always trust my gut instinct. I think I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I just opened my eyes to what was right in front of me. Although, I feel like I always knew, I just wanted to believe it wasn't true. I wish you luck and happiness...I do...

I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend! Keep checking back for more updates :)

Since I've Been Back

I can't believe it has been so long. Its been about sixteen days since moving back from Tallahassee. I'm still waiting for the day that I have to drive back. It is an unusual feeling knowing that I'm not. I do feel that I have been in Orlando longer than sixteen days though. I feel so unproductive. I didn't do much at my job but at least I was doing something.

I've done a little bit of everything since I've been back. I was able to spend time with my Grandma and Aunt which is always nice. I hadn't been to her house since Christmas - that is way too long!

I discovered a new favorite clothing line. Bitten by Sarah Jessica Parker. (My brother is thinking to himself right now - she looks like a witch! haha) But it is cute, comfy and cheap! Check it out :)

Eric took me out for my birthday on Friday the 8th. We went to the Starlight Dinner Theater and had a wonderful dinner and watched Bye Bye Birdie. It was a nice throwback to high school.

I was finally able to hang out with Brittnee! We went to SAK Comedy Club (thanks to her Dad!) and Cowboys. It has been so fun hanging out with her :) It really makes you realize how big Orlando is. It's not as easy as Tallahassee to see everyone you want to spend time with.

My mom took me to the Ritz Carlton Spa on Sunday as a celebration for my birthday. How relaxing :) Well other than the fact that I got to see the fully nude back of a woman who should have been clothed haha!

I turned 22 last Monday! I don't feel any older - thank goodness. Actually this brought up an interesting point while shopping with Brittnee. We are 22 but we feel like children in an adult world. Although I had a full time job working with all adults, I still felt like I was dispensable - which I probably was. But I didn't feel like I was treated like a college graduate. I wish I could say "I am intelligent - I am a woman." I believe it but sometimes I don't think other people do. Maybe after my next degree I will prove myself and people will see it haha.

Guess what? I got the job at Rollins! I will be the Hall Director at Elizabeth Hall on campus at Rollins. I am so excited! Out of the people I have met so far they are all great people and I can't wait to start working with them. They seem fun and outgoing and it will be a good group of people to spend time with since I don't know anyone at Rollins. My apartment is super cute so that makes it a good deal too. Its a one bedroom apartment with a kitchen, living room, dining room, walk in closet! I have a few ideas of how I will decorate. Pictures will come when I move in and get everything situated :)

So now Eric is on a cruise to Cozumel, Belize and somewhere in the Bahamas I think (yes I'm jealous!). So I'm just hanging out with my mom and shopping - which is something I don't need to be doing haha. I need him to come back to keep me occupied :)

In high school, my all-time favorite show was Dawson's Creek. This statement may seem random but lucky for me, Dawsons Creek still comes on every morning. The day I realized that it came on, they were showing the finale. The show was on from when I was in sixth grade until my senior year. And I cried my eyes out when it ended because I felt like I basically grew up with this show. Well there is a scene that will always stick out in my mind when I think of that show. It is was Jen was making a video for her baby daugther because she was close to passing away and knew that she wouldn't be around to watch her grow up. I'll leave it here for a little food for thought:

"Hi, Amy, it's mom. Well, by the time you see this, I won't be here anymore, and I know how much that sucks, for both of us. So seeing as how I won't be around to thoroughly annoy you, I thought I would give you a little list of the things that I wish for you. Well, there's the obvious. An education. Family. Friends. And a life that is full of the unexpected. Be sure to make mistakes. Make a lot of them, because there's no better way to learn and to grow, all right? And, um, I want you to spend a lot of time at the ocean, because the ocean forces you to dream, and I insist that you, my girl, be a dreamer. God. I've never really believed in God. In fact, I've spent a lot of time and energy trying to disprove that God exists. But I hope that you are able to believe in God, because the thing that I've come to realize, sweetheart... is that it just doesn't matter if God exists or not. The important thing is for you to believe in something, because I promise you that that belief will keep you warm at night, and I want you to feel safe always. And then there's love. I want you to love to the tips of your fingers, and when you find that love, wherever you find it, whoever you choose, don't run away from it. But you don't have to chase after it either. You just be patient, and it'll come to you, I promise, and when you least expect it, like you, like spending the best year of my life with the sweetest and the smartest and the most beautiful baby girl in the world. You don't be afraid, sweetheart. And remember, to love is to live."

I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer and I will try to update more often :)

Oh! Everyone needs to see Blood Diamond - great and informative movie! (And Leonardo DiCaprio is hot!)

Love is to Live :)

Memorial Day Weekend

At the beginning of last week, I didn't know that I would be going home this weekend. My mom came up with the great idea for me to catch a ride home with my brother. And I am so glad I did - it was the greateat weekend that I've had in a while. Friends, Family, Fun - it can't get much better.

It started off with taking the afternoon off of work on Friday which is always fun. The drive home was long (as usual). I originally thought we were going to see Pirates that night but we went putt-putt golfing instead. Eric won - even after I bragged about how good I was. And I was doing good - I fell apart at the end! After that we came back and watched The Family Stone - one of my favorite movies. Side note: that movie makes me want to have a big family, so I can have crazy holidays like that haha :)





Saturday me, Eric, Kyle and Andrea spent the day at Universal. And I am sad to say after five years, they finally took my ID. I am no longer employed there :( Thank goodness I brought an extra comp pass just in case. We had so much fun. The lines surprisingly were not long even though it was a holiday weekend. We spent most of our time in Universal. This led to two of the highlights of the day - Boris and Herbert the Dronkey!



Sunday we went to church at First Baptist. The service was commemorating those that have died fighting for our country. It really made me appreciate the fact that I am blessed to be an American. I loved learning about what each fold of the flag represents when it is represented to the family members of a fallen soldier at funerals. For those that may be unfamiliar, here is what the 13 folds mean:

The 1st fold of our flag is a symbol of life.

The 2nd fold is a symbol of our belief in eternal life.

The 3rd fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veterans departing our ranks who gave a portion of their lives for the defense of our country to attain peace throughout the world.

The 4th fold represents our weaker nature, for as American citizens trusting in God, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in time of war for His divine guidance.

The 5th fold is a tribute to our country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur "Our Country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong.

The 6th fold is for where our hearts lie. It is with our heart that We pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States Of America, and the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all.

The 7th fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all her enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic.

The 8th fold is a tribute to the one who entered into the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day.

The 9th fold is a tribute to womanhood, and Mothers. For it has been through their faith, their love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great has been molded.

The 10th fold is a tribute to the father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of our country since they were first born.

The 11th fold represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon and glorifies in the Hebrews eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

The 12th fold represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in the Christians eyes, God the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit.

The 13th fold, or when the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost reminding us of our nation's motto, "In God We Trust."

After the service, each member of the congregation received a flag that had a label with the name of a soldier who has died attached to it. We were directed to a field to place our flags in the ground so that when people drive by they will see that "we remember."





Then we went to lunch and the Florida Mall for Andrea to buy her new MacBook. Now she is a part of the cool club! :)

And my Dad came home! Which when I originally decided to come home, I didn't know he would be there as well so it was a wonderful surprise and it was so great to spend time with him. So we all went out to dinner on Sunday night and hung out and cooked out on Monday.

I would have to say that is a pretty amazing weekend!

I would like to thank Kyle of being the picture taker and documenting the whole weekend :)