Gentleman vs. Gingerbread man

I just finished reading a fantastic book called "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I will share my insights from time to time as I reflect on the ideas that stood out to me.

The first insight to share:
"A dash of tenderness in the way you treat a man means the difference between being married to a gentle-man or a gingerbread-man. One is heroic and tender; the other is stale and cut out of the same mold as the rest of them."

I really liked that comparison because there have been countless times that myself and my friends have heard the line: "I'm not like other guys." And then what happens? They turn out to be like every other guy. I definitely want a gentle-man.

The book goes on to give some advice to us ladies:
• Crawl into a guy’s world and observe what in that world is important.
• Find opportunities to discuss these “fascinating” topics with him.
• Don’t try and change them to be more like a girl. Appreciate the qualities that make him a man.

Seems easy enough...

Lackadaisical

Main Entry: lack·a·dai·si·cal
Pronunciation: \ˌla-kə-ˈdā-zi-kəl\
Function: adjective
: lacking life, spirit, or zest :

I feel like that word describes me fairly well at this moment. Lately, my life has had glimmers of hope, snapshots of happy but I can't say that is a constant. I wish I could. But sometimes I need to remind myself of all the wonderful things in my life so keep me going. So here is list:

• Meeting the other bridesmaids in Kim's wedding and really getting along with them


• Building my friendships with the other hall directors


• Being there to witness my best friend from high school getting married


• My regular run around Lake Baldwin on Friday afternoons


• Getting the courage to reconnect with old friends


• Hearing God's whisper telling me that my purpose right now is to dream my own dreams, that He is in control, and He will provide for what I'm longing for when the time is right


• Spending time with my Grandma and Aunt


• Knowing my family supports me and is always there for me

My hope is that this list will continue to grow and that even when I'm down I will be able to recognize my blessings.

Virtual Car Wash

On Friday, I had the privilege to meet and hear speak a man who started the largest gang intervention organization in the nation. His name is Father Greg Boyle. He is a Jesuit priest who lives in East LA who has been befriending and caring for gang members for nearly twenty years. He loving refers to them as homeys and homegirls. I first learned about him through a book written by Celeste Fremon called "G-Dog and the Homeboys." The book is about Father Greg's life and the lives of some of the gang members he has touched. When he spoke on Friday, he emphasized the idea of kinship and helping people rediscover the truth of who they are in God. Obviously that is a very condensed version of all the ideas he shared but it was very moving.

Father Greg is the Executive Director of Homeboy Industries. Part of his outreach to the gang members was to find them employment. So he opened the Homeboy Bakery. It's mission is "to create an environment that provided training, work experience, and above all, the opportunity for rival gang members to work side by side." The organization now has five businesses: Homeboy Bakery, Homeboy Silkscreen, Homeboy Maintenance, Homeboy/HomegirlMerchandise, and HomegirlCafé. He shared with us that in order to raise money to continue operating, they created a Virtual Car Wash. All they are asking for is $10 to help raise money for all the wonderful things Father Greg and Homeboy Industries are trying to do.

Click here to get your car virtually "washed."

Giving Away The Pen

I have decided to give God the pen to my love story. He has given us His greatest love so why shouldn't I trust him to give me my perfect romance as long as I am faithful? My "forever" love story is being written by God even as we speak. I just have to surrender the pen that I for so long have tried to control.

I posted the following post originally on December 9, 2007 (I have tweaked it some for this post). I think it does a pretty good job explaining some of my emotions right now. I knew I wouldn't have been able to fully express myself, but I'm glad I was able to find something that was close enough for now:

I'm trying to be positive about everything but it is really hard. This week coming up is finals and I think it has knocked the Earth off of its normal rotation and is making EVERYTHING (and everyone) go a little kooky.

I thought that everything in my life was finally aligning. Ha...

I realized today that despite recent occurrences, I am worth it. Do I have places to grow and improve? Of course, everyone does. Do I believe that we all should be respectful and patient with people that are actually doing things to change? Absolutely.

I have also come to realize that I am ready for an unbreakable, unstoppable, head-over-heels, fight-for-each-other, do-anything-for kind of relationship. This is my public declaration: I will not settle until I have that kind of relationship. I haven't had one yet, but I have no doubt that it will be amazing.

Until then, I choose to be in love with God. Why? Because he romances me every day of my life. No matter how much I run from him, he does not let me leave. He has unending patience and love for me. This has been a struggle for me to come to this place because I feel really let down in a lot of areas of my life. I was at a place that I wanted to give up on my faith, but I know I need to trust that God knows my future. As long as I keep seeking him, He will lead me in the right direction.

I thank Ingrid for this verse:

"I say this because I know what I am planning for you,” says the Lord. “I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!"
Jeremiah 29: 11 - 13

I was at the point of saying, why believe in something that every time my prayers are "answered" I'm hurt? When I should be saying: I may not understand why things are working out this way, but I trust you and know that you would never hurt me. He is just preparing me for something more fulfilling than I can even fathom.

Romanced by God? What does that even mean? (Are you asking yourself that? I did at first too, but it makes complete sense.) Sunrises, Sunsets, Snow falling on Christmas, Fireflies at dusk, Light breeze on a sunny day, rays shining through the clouds. God romances us with the beauty of nature.




Can you believe the brilliance of the colors of the leaves? It was even more beautiful in person. We live in such a fast-paced world. Take the time to thank God for his creation. In the moments of utter beauty, when everything in the world seems to stop just so you can enjoy the moment, you are given a glimpse of Eden. The way the world was supposed to be. He loves us enough to show us that even when we are so undeserving, like I was when I doubted him.

One Year Ago

One year ago my life changed drastically. Within a matter of months, I moved from Tallahassee back to Windermere then to Burlington, NC then back to Winter Park. In the midst of this, I was starting a new chapter in my life that included working for Rollins and pursuing my masters degree.

Relationships were ending. Well not all of them. Some were just changing. Like those with all of my girlfriends in Tallahassee. We went from seeing and talking to each other every day to communicating mostly over facebook. I may sound like I'm complaining and in a way, I am. I miss being around them and I miss all the fun times we had together. Sometimes I wish I could go back just to have that again. But, all of us have grown so much since then! I'm proud of all my friends and so excited to see where our lives take us.

I've listened to a significantly smaller amount of country music this year compared to years past when I wouldn't listen to anything else. I know that sounds funny and thats not saying that I enjoy it any less, I've just developed a subconscious fear about it. A fear that if I turn the country station on a song charged with memories and emotions will be playing. The memories, I can deal with. However, the emotions associated with the memories are what I'm afraid to face. But its getting better. I'm coming to terms with the fact that some things, like all of my questions and analyzations of the situation, are better left in the past.

In the past year, I've learned what it means to live on my own. I've seen snow falling for the first time. Which means I made my first snowman, had my first snowball fight, and went sledding for the first time. I've become more self aware. I've traveled the world (well, a small portion of it). I've worked in a company that teaches its culture and that culture is actually apparent when I went into work each day. Every employee (or STAR as Gaylord likes to call us) is passionate about what they do. That is very rare so its hard to describe and explain. And now I'm getting ready to start my second year of working for Rollins and pursuing my masters degree. I can't believe I'm already half way through! I have a clearer picture of what I want my future to look like - what my career will be, the type of person I want to be and the type of person I want to be with. Having this picture in clearer focus makes life a little more comfortable.

Through all of this, a few things have remained constant. My relationship with God. Every day, I try to find ways to grow closer to God and have Him be the center of my life. By no means am I perfect, I never will be. But I do know that I will try my hardest to use God's word as my guide. My family. I've realized now more than ever, how lucky I am. My parents and my brother will be there for me no matter what and will always have my best interest in their hearts. I am so grateful for that. Stefano. I met Stefano one year ago today. What started out as a genuine friendship evolved into an amazing relationship. He keeps me grounded and he is my best friend. He's not afraid to be open and honest with me, even if its not exactly what I want to hear. And most of all, he loves me just the way I am. I don't think I could ask for anything more.

The most important thing I've learned this year is that I am truly blessed. Even with all the things I think I want or need, it will never compare to what I already have. I'm enjoying my journey and I know this year will bring just as many changes as the last year. I hope you continue checking up on me!

Why Be In A Relationship?

Quite a bit has changed within the time that I last posted "My Weekend Recap". I'm trying to be positive about everything but it is really hard. This week coming up is finals and I think it has knocked the Earth off of its normal rotation and is making EVERYTHING (and everyone) go a little kooky.

I thought that everything in my life was finally aligning. Ha...

I realized today that despite recent occurrences, I am worth it. Do I have places to grow and improve? Of course, everyone does. Do I believe that we all should be respectful and patient with people that are actually doing things to change? Absolutely.

I have also come to realize that I am ready for an unbreakable, unstoppable, head-over-heels, fight-for-each-other, do-anything-for kind of relationship. That may freak out quite a few guys that read this, mainly the ones that have a phobia against commitments. This is my public declaration: I will not settle until I have that kind of relationship. I haven't had one yet, but I have no doubt that it will be amazing.

Until then, I choose to be in love with God. Why? Because he romances me every day of my life. No matter how much I run from him, he does not let me leave. He has unending patience and love for me. This has been a struggle for me to come to this place because I feel really let down in a lot of areas of my life. I was at a place that I wanted to give up on my faith, but I know I need to trust that God knows my future. As long as I keep seeking him, He will lead me in the right direction.

I thank Ingrid for this verse:

"I say this because I know what I am planning for you,” says the Lord. “I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!"

Jeremiah 29: 11 - 13

I was at the point of saying, why believe in something that every time my prayers are "answered" I'm hurt? When I should be saying: I may not understand why things are working out this way, but I trust you and know that you would never hurt me. He is just preparing me for something more fulfilling than I can even fathom.

Romanced by God? What does that even mean? (Are you asking yourself that? I did at first too, but it makes complete sense.) Sunrises, Sunsets, Snow falling on Christmas (I haven't experienced this, but I'm sure it's beautiful), Fireflies at dusk, Light breeze on a sunny day, rays shining through the clouds. God romances us with the beauty of nature.





Can you believe the brilliance of the colors of the leaves? It was even more beautiful in person. We live in such a fast-paced world. Take the time to thank God for his creation. In the moments of utter beauty, when everything in the world seems to stop just so you can enjoy the moment, you are given a glimpse of Eden. The way the world was supposed to be. He loves us enough to show us that even when we are so undeserving, like I was when I doubted him.

Thanks for listening :) Time to start studying for finals...I'll write again soon!

Very Cool!

I signed up for a very cool website tonight! Once I get more into all the features of the website, I'm sure I'll have more to write but until then...

This is from my brothers blog (about the website)....

YouVersion is a website run by a LiveChurch.TV development team...they've developed an online bible that has become an interactive community, it really takes the bible and injects it into the viral video/myspace/facebook age. When you sign up you'll get a email kind of like this, explaining what it's all about....

-----
Dear Kyle,

Welcome to YouVersion.com. You're now part of a revolutionary online community! Whether you've been studying the Bible for years or are simply curious about its claims, YouVersion will allow you to read, share, ask questions, and learn from others in an exciting and interactive new way.

Now that you're signed up and ready to go, let's explore some areas of YouVersion you'll want to check out.

Discover
Easily find a passage in one of many translations. Search by reference or use the Table of Contents to locate a specific scripture.

Contribute
Share what God's Spirit is showing you, and read how He is moving in the lives of others. Contribute images, video, text or links to passages, or email something meaningful to a friend.

Reflect
You can journal about what you're reading, as you're reading it. And even better, what you write is linked directly to what you are reading so you can easily reference back to those special passages.

Remember
Mark references with tags that make sense to you, and find what you want, when you want. It's like your own personal concordance. Or you can star anything you'd like to remember.

We hope you'll take some time and explore YouVersion today. We believe that this tool is going to create a whole new way of uniting relevant media and web content with scripture, community and collaboration. And we couldn't do it without you.

Sincerely,
The YouVersion Development Team
-----

For me, this is going to revolutionize the way I read the bible...it's now more than ever the living word of God.

Go check it out...

www.youversion.com



Let me know what you think!!
(Thanks Kyle for the blog)

Quick Morning Thoughts

I thought my time at Rollins would be my chance to grow in a stronger relationship preparing for our lives together while getting my degree. It was an adventure that I was excited about more than anything. I knew it would be hard and it would require a lot of communication and honesty but most importantly love. That dynamic has already shifted. Although I am fully aware now what it means to truly appreciate and love someone with all of my heart, that feeling can't be enjoyed on a one-way street. God has something bigger planned for me. He has revealed to me in the past few days more than I could have ever expected. And I know that my next relationship, no matter when or who it may be with, it will be beyond amazing. I feel in my heart that God is telling me that He knows that this is hard for me but he would never put something in my path that I can't work through and become stronger because of it. He is amazing in the fact that He knows what is truly right for every person and if we aren't strong enough or ready to do what is He knows is right, He will take that on. This is an exciting road that I am on because I am putting all of my trust in Him knowing that no matter what I want, His will for my life will be done.

These were just some thoughts I had this morning so I decided to share them. And like I've said in the past few posts, in time pictures of my apartment will come haha. I'm hoping to finish the decorations before classes start (which is the 27th).

Have a good weekend everyone!!

Journey

"For I know the plans I have for you...." Jeremiah 29:11

Everything happens for a reason...this is something I am hearing a lot lately. It is definitely something I want to believe but is this an overused cliche just to make someone feel better? Maybe. Last night while getting ready for bed, I caught a glimpse of my senior picture from high school. It is in a small frame that has the bible verse at the top inscribed on it. I thought about myself four years ago when I was graduating from high school and getting ready to come up to FSU and how I had somewhat of an idea of what I wanted to do (which is now completely different than what I graduated with). It was more of a dream really - pretty unrealistic but it made me think last night. If I stuck with that path, where would I be now? Would I have my dream job and everything in my life be perfectly in place? Possibly. But now I'm at a crossroads in my life. I have faced another graduation with just somewhat of an idea of what I wanted to do - but now its different. I'm filled with doubt and questioning in regards to the next step in my life. What if I take a wrong turn and end up doing something that isn't in my path? The verse says "For I know the plans I have for you...." I wish those plans could be made more apparent to me so I'm not nervous when I take my next step. But then we come full circle to the infamous "everything happens for a reason." Can I trust that my next step is happening for a reason and is on my path? I guess I will never really know. I envy people that know exactly what they want out of life. I have general ideas and general stepping stones that I feel that I will take. I guess that is the excitement that comes with being blessed to have choices and options in my future. I just need to learn to stop overthinking things and when I want to do something - just go for it. I know in my mind that there is nothing that I will do that will jeopardize my future and the happiness and fulfillment that I will have. But yet, my next step in life that is in such a gray area right now consumes my thoughts. The rest of this year is going to bring a lot of change in my life - I hope I'm ready for it!

Just a little disclaimer: I hope everyone that starts reading my blog, enjoys it. But more importantly, I will love hearing your opinion - so start commenting! :)