Epiphanies

Passing comments can really change your perspective on life. For the past couple of weeks, I've had some real epiphanies thanks to my friends. For so long the word "single" has had such a bad connotation to me. But why? Because I've always found myself in relationships, the word single was synonymous with "unwanted." The thought of being alone scared me. I've realized that I ground myself in my relationship. That was my source of security and stability. I was comfortable and knew what to expect. But looking back, it makes me wonder - was I losing myself in that process?

As insignificant as it may seem, I changed my facebook relationship status to single. I know some of you are thinking, "come on! it's just facebook!" And trust me, I know exactly where you are coming from. But I think another group of you understand the significance of declaring to everyone you know that you are now labeling yourself as "single." But it was the past couple weeks that I have accepted the greatness that comes along with being single, especially at this point in my life.

I found myself in a conversation about boys a few days ago (surprise surprise). We were talking about this very subject of being single. I declared, "Being single is exhausting!" In a relationship, I didn't have to worry about being engaging or interesting or flirty. By that I mean, attracting the opposite sex is not a priority. And I suppose I don't have to now but there is some pressure to show the best sides of you (inside and out) at all times. But I have to reframe my thinking from "single means searching for a relationship" to "single means searching for myself." My friend, Alexis, said something that was so poignant and I don't even think she realized it. She said something to the effect of, "I'm single and I'm okay with that because no one can make me as happy right now as I can." That comment hit me like a ton of bricks. It is so true - how can I expect someone else to make me happy, if I'm not the happiness I can be when I'm by myself?

I'm at a significant crossroads in life. I'm finally starting my professional career, I'm working towards financial independence, and I feel like a woman as silly as that sounds. It is equally as important for me right now to be looking inwards and be strong in who I am.

Being single isn't a bad thing - it is a powerful thing! Ingrid shared a fantastic quote with me from the ultimate single girl's source, Sex and the City: "Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty, sexy, and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with." I will think of this quote any time I'm feeling a bit insecure and I'm sure it will perk me right up!

Gentleman vs. Gingerbread man

I just finished reading a fantastic book called "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I will share my insights from time to time as I reflect on the ideas that stood out to me.

The first insight to share:
"A dash of tenderness in the way you treat a man means the difference between being married to a gentle-man or a gingerbread-man. One is heroic and tender; the other is stale and cut out of the same mold as the rest of them."

I really liked that comparison because there have been countless times that myself and my friends have heard the line: "I'm not like other guys." And then what happens? They turn out to be like every other guy. I definitely want a gentle-man.

The book goes on to give some advice to us ladies:
• Crawl into a guy’s world and observe what in that world is important.
• Find opportunities to discuss these “fascinating” topics with him.
• Don’t try and change them to be more like a girl. Appreciate the qualities that make him a man.

Seems easy enough...

It's all in the genes...

I've shared what I learned with a lot of my girlfriends and we all seemed to have reacted the same way so I'm curious about what you think.

I'm doing a paper for one of my classes about the sexual habits of undergraduate students. One of the articles I read described a survey that was done to determine what sexual values students agree with. There were three categories: absolutism (no sex until marriage), relativism (if in a relationship, sex is okay), and hedonism ("if it feels good, do it"). Most of the results were fairly expected. Men are more hedonistic; women are more relativistic. Students that have "hooked up" with someone or were in a "friends with benefits" type of situation were more hedonistic. You get the idea.

The findings that were most interesting to me were the conclusions that were drawn based on the differences between men and women. It said that the pleasure focused, hedonistic male, is seen as responding to his biological and genetic heritage. They are genetically wired to seek out numerous females to ensure that their own genes are reproduced and passed on. Then it goes on to say that women are genetically wired to be selective and prefer males who show an interest to stick around, provide economic resources, and help rear their offspring.

Now I know that got pretty technical, so I'm going to break it down. Basically this article said that it is natural for men to be with as many women as possible. And women get the short end of the stick because we tend to look for one man.

Does this really mean that there is no hope?? I mean, I guess I can see where the article is coming from a purely biological stand point. But, what about values or standards? what about self control? what about love? Aren't those things that must be considered too? I think so.